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What everybody gets wrong about assisting friends by heartbreak


Sheryl Sandberg
“I just felt like there was this outrageous elephant
following me everywhere,” pronounced Sheryl Sandberg,
pictured.

Getty
Images


In May 2015, Sheryl Sandberg’s husband Dave Goldberg died
suddenly.

Her second book, “Option
B
,” opens with his death. Along with investigate presented
by coauthor Adam Grant, it goes on to share
the Facebook exec and mom’s knowledge operative by her
grief.

In an part of Business Insider’s podcast “Success!
How we Did It
,” Business Insider US editor in arch Alyson
Shontell asked about the awkwardness that can deplane on the
friends and family of someone who’s going by a tragedy.

“… Some of the people who are the closest in your life,
who you adore the many and have the closest attribute with,
just don’t contend anything about what you’re going through,”
Shontell said. “They don’t wish to bring it up — they don’t
wish to dissapoint you.”

Sandberg answered that, in her experience, this is common,
and a mistake she also used to make. “
I used to consider that
if someone was going by something hard, if we brought it up I
was reminding them,” she said. “You can’t ‘remind me’ we lost
Dave. You can’t remind someone that their child is sick. You
can’t remind someone their father went to jail or their mom is in
difficulty or they just lost their job. It’s not probable to remind
anyone of that.”

She found herself in an ungainly position: Everyone knew that her
husband had died, and she knew that they knew it, and that they
weren’t observant anything since they didn’t wish to “remind”
her. 

“I just felt like there was this outrageous elephant following me
everywhere,” she said. “It’s not just death — again, it’s all of
those examples we just shared. we consider one of the lessons for me
is that acknowledging pain is so powerful.”

And what’s the right way to acknowledge it? “Not sugar-coating
it, not ‘I know you’re going to get by this’ — because
infrequently you’re not — but ‘I know you’re frightened and we know this
is hard, and we’re going to get by it together,'” she said.
“The energy of confirmation and the energy of we. Not
‘You’re going to get by this.’ ‘We’re going
get by this.'”

Listen to the full podcast interview:

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