We’re so used to reading about women’s sex lives. Be that their many noted experience, their favourite position, or their go-to sex toy.
Maybe that’s since the conversations are catering to the male gaze. Maybe we aren’t peaceful with men having passionate desires over examination porn.
To open up the review around men’s sexuality, we asked 6 conflicting guys of 6 conflicting ages ago about their first time having sex – covering all from where it happened to how they feel about it years later.
This essay comes as the first of the new series, We Asked Guys. Every Thursday, you can come back to find the latest doubt we’ve asked a garland of guys – and trust us, we’re going to ask questions you really wish to know the answers to.
This week, we’re focused on the sex lives of men – and how they felt when they finally lost the pure label.
Here’s what they said.
Who are we articulate to?
How old were you when you lost your decency and how did it happen? Were you in a attribute with the person at the time?
Mark: ‘I was 17 when we lost my virginity. I’d just come home from the cinema after examination Planet of the Apes, my partner at the time then met me after the film since she was out with a few friends, she came to my residence and just cold out for a while and then we had sex.’
Stu: ‘I was 17 when we lost my decency with a girl who was also 17. We met at a friend’s residence and got on really good and after a few weeks we became a couple. After months of dating, kissing and complicated petting we motionless that the time was right. We motionless to do it at my residence as her mom was at home as she was a teacher and it was the summer holidays.’
Stuart: ‘I was 17 at the time, a few months divided from my 18th birthday. I’d been at a university open day in Southampton with my partner at the time and my dad. we didn’t have my heart set on that university so we left early and went home. Me and my partner were upstairs in my room and the moment just felt right.’
James: ‘I was 13, with an older girl on a park bench. we consider she had some issues and just did it for a laugh.’
Matt: ‘I had just incited 17 years old. It happened in my bedroom at my relatives residence with a girl that we had been in a attribute with for a few months.’
Alex: ‘I was 21 years old, we was at university and in my third year of university, we had been in a attribute with this person just over a year now, we took the time to get to know any other scrupulously first.’
Were you shaken the first time you had sex? What was it like for the first time?
Stu: ‘I remember both of us being nervous, and it was soothing and peaceful and very loving. We tried a few positions and we remember we wanted to make certain she came before we did… we kept asking if she had which didn’t help the mood but she positive me she had… and we eventually loose adequate to cum myself.
‘We cuddled thereafter for ages and did it again. The many shaken partial of the knowledge was shopping condoms for the first time rather then actually having sex as we was certain someone would find out and tell me off as if it was wrong to do it.’
Alex: ‘I was very shaken inside, and we could tell they were before. This was both the first time with anybody and it felt that additional some-more special, as we motionless to wait until we would find someone estimable to give myself to.’
Stuart: ‘Very. As it was my first time we had no suspicion what to design sensation-wise and not much suspicion as to what we was doing. As a man, we also felt vigour to last as prolonged as possible.
‘I remember I’d bought condoms that were ostensible to help you last longer as they had a cream inside that caused you to feel reduction sensations. Looking back that was substantially a bad suspicion as it meant we wasn’t means to consummate and it done the whole knowledge reduction pleasurable, but also ungainly between the two of us as she saw it as her problem.’
James: ‘I wasn’t shaken until we was actually, physically doing it. It was very short-lived, bizarre and I’m flattering certain she wasn’t very assured by the experience. we consider there’s a tarnish trustworthy to females and sex (which is wrong in my opinion), but we consider it’s wrong for possibly gender to be having sex at such an early age.’
Mark: ‘I wasn’t shaken since my partner at the time done all so peaceful for me and making certain it was okay, we remember we looked very ‘cool’ getting the condom from my wallet and threw it right beside her conduct which done the whole atmosphere not moving or shaken at all!’
Matt: ‘Massively nervous! The girl we was with had an ex-boyfriend who was very somewhat older and she had lost her decency to him. The vigour to “outperform” her previous experience was a outrageous expectancy that we had placed on myself.
‘The night had been arranged, it was the first time she would scrupulously stay over. Having been friends with her before getting together done the knowledge as peaceful and relaxed as it could have been, but this didn’t stop it being awkward on my part with the thoughts of what she had gifted before being ever present.’
Was losing your decency a big understanding for you? Did you feel there was any vigour on you to remove it being a guy?
Stu: ‘There was no vigour among my counterpart organisation about sex, or feeling of having to rush to do it. we did it with someone we desired when it felt right.’
Stuart: ‘At the time we felt surreptitious pressure. we went to a churned boarding school, however the boarding houses were singular sex. Surrounded by other boys my age who were all articulate about their passionate practice done me feel singled out as we couldn’t relate. we wouldn’t contend this directly forced me into trying to remove it earlier but it positively had an surreptitious or subconscious affect.’
Alex: ‘It was a big understanding in that clarity since we never had other passionate partners and we did not wish to go around trying to nap with all that breathes in my youth, to this day we trust it is vicious to take your time and not give into rush. Not overly cautious, but just to consider about what you really wish for yourself.’
Matt: ‘A outrageous understanding and for me quite the vigour was immense. For some reason, my partner and others insincere that we had lost my decency a prolonged time ago. we never lied about past conquests but at the same time we never denied peoples assumptions either. we was confident, a little full of myself, was sporty and flirtatious.
‘Those traits at that age meant we was seen as a ladies man. That was a prolonged way from the truth, we had kissed countless girls, and a little more, but never had full sex. This explanation came out after we slept together during sham talk. My partner suggested that she was relieved as she had been shaken as well, meditative we would be vicious of her opening compared to others we had apparently experienced.’
Were you in a rush to remove your decency or did you wait for the right person?
Stu: ‘I do remember that at the time there were stories of girls who’d been doing it with older lads and they seemed to be in some-more of a rush then any of the boys.’
Mark: ‘I waited for the right girl since we wanted to be as peaceful and enjoy it as much as probable with someone we loved, and that was vicious to me, we was in a rush to remove my decency but that wasn’t my priority.’
Stuart: ‘I was wanting to wait for the right person, like someone we was in a attribute with and cared for. we trust the person we lost it with propitious that description.’
Matt: ‘A little of both. Being a immature man full of brag we was unfortunate to knowledge sex for the first time, both out of seductiveness and as a bragging right. As it worked out, some-more by fitness than judgement, it was also with the right person who we stayed with for years afterwards.’
Do you consider a guy’s decency is as big a understanding as a girl’s? Why do you consider this?
Stu: ‘I consider currently there is a bit of a tarnish towards men who’ve not had sex, the word pure for men seen as a derogative term as if having sex creates you a man. If you have one night stands you’re a kid or a timber and it’s fine.
‘Women are still seen as a slut for doing the same thing, which is rubbish, as people of both sexes should be means to enjoy themselves as much or as little as they want. we consider the media, generally social media, still portrays things this way. A passionate inequality where women are approaching to “put out” before they are prepared and lads are rushed into it to feel like they are a man.’
Stuart: ‘I do trust this, but it depends on who you ask. To certain women, they may feel it is not as big of a understanding as they can see men as only meddlesome in one thing, however in my own personal opinion, in an equal society, all is the same for everyone. we try to live my life meditative and behaving as equally and respectfully as we can and treating virginities with equal significance was a big cause for me flourishing up.’
Matt: ‘I don’t. I consider the inlet of the universe we live in, which is so much smaller now due to social media, there is an expectancy on men to get knowledge and perform without romantic connection as this is seen as a sign of weakness. Girls however are, unfairly, judged on their first choice of partner and all the others that follow.’
Alex: ‘A guy’s decency is as equal significance to that of a girls. Each person has control and rights over their bodies, and everybody should feel peaceful as they can be, differently it can lead to intensity complications or problems. we trust as a man, we should aim to help maintain the partner much as we can and also ourselves.’
Mark: ‘In a ubiquitous clarity we don’t consider it’s deliberate as big a understanding in men just since apparently the some-more people the better when you’re a kid and you are praised compared to the conflicting for women which creates no clarity to me!’
How do you feel a guys decency differs to a girls and since do you consider this is?
Stu: ‘A mans decency has to be told, emitted to the other males to show they are a man, but in reality they mostly don’t wish to share the feelings so it’s all brag and positions etc.
‘Whereas for a lady her decency is taken, not given, and that must be tough – generally with physique picture issues that have been woven into the world. They’re approaching to demeanour a certain way or perform certain acts as lads have been lerned into expecting; oral, anal, cumming on the face, by porn.’
Stuart: ‘I feel as nonetheless men and women see virginities as conflicting things, the same way people’s “magic numbers” are interpreted. Like if a male sleeps with lots of women he tends to be distinguished by his friends, but if a women sleeps with lots of guys she tends to be degraded in the stream society. It’s the same with virginities, like if a male loses it at a immature age then he is reputable by people his age but if a girl was to remove it at the same age then she gets deemed easy or a slut which is totally wrong.’
Matt: ‘A man who is still a pure in after years is seen as a loser, homely and unwanted. A man who loses it at a immature age and has steady partners is praised in his loyalty groups and put on a pedestal.
‘In comparison, a girl who hangs onto her decency is seen as frigid, boring and even in some cases a tease. A girl who loses her decency fast and on a one night mount is seen as being easy. Both are unfair, nonessential stigmas that make a large gulf between male and womanlike perceptions.’
Do you bewail how you lost your virginity? Is there anything you’d do differently given the chance? How if so?
Stu: ‘I don’t bewail how we lost my decency thankfully. It was the right time with the right person. we wouldn’t change a thing detached from asking about the orgasm but we consider that’s the vigour men have, ensuring the lady cums, along with beforehand ejaculation and gripping it up.’
Stuart: ‘I don’t bewail anything in life, we always see events as a training curve. Personally we don’t see losing my decency at the time we did as a mistake but we did learn to use unchanging condoms, not the ones I’d bought!’
James: ‘It doesn’t really worry me the way we lost my virginity. If we could change anything about it I’d like to have been a timber at my first attempt.’
Matt: ‘No, no regrets. However in hindsight we may have played down the “jack the lad” persona that was compared with me. This added pressure to both myself and my girlfriend.’
Mark: ‘I don’t bewail my first time at all, it was the ideal knowledge that we had built up in my conduct with someone who meant so much and done it so peaceful for me, there is zero we would change at all!’
Alex: ‘I have no regrets since my first time done me feel special as a person, done me trust someone could adore me and gave me wish for life again as it was a very dim time of my life. we would not have changed a thing.’
If you could give any recommendation to men still nonetheless to remove their virginity, what would it be?
James: ‘I don’t consider men should wait too prolonged to remove their decency since if you’re still a pure after on in life there seems to be a large fear cause involved.’
Stu: ‘All we can contend is if you wish to enjoy your first time then find the right person, be in adore and take your time. If they adore you and caring for you they will enjoy just being close to you and being with you. She’s as shaken as you and worrying about all the things you are. Enjoy it and be happy.’
Matt: ‘Don’t distortion about past conquests, you will be environment yourself up for a fall. Accept you are new to being insinuate with a woman, enjoy the training bend and for the adore of god, don’t use internet publishing as a beam of how to do it!!’
Stuart: ‘Don’t take any vigour from loyalty groups or multitude to heart. Wait for a time that is right for you and someone special. Yes, sex is great, but it’s even better with someone you caring about!’
Alex: ‘My recommendation to any man is provide your partners with comprehensive respect, support and care! Get to know your partner first and make the bid for them, since it could be a big moment for them too. Don’t rush in anything but some thought.’
So, what can we learn from this?
It seems we’re too discerning to judge when it comes to guys’ sex lives. In the media, in films or music videos, we’re so used to seeing guys not really being worried about who they’re losing their decency too – they’re distant too focused on just losing the title. But it seems this isn’t the case.
Guys do caring about who they nap with for the first time. They do caring about making it memorable. They do get nervous, and trust it or not, the infancy opinion seems to be that sex for the first time really is a big deal.
Join us here next Thursday, where we’ll be asking a series of guys what it’s like to be a man vital with depression.