Ah, isn’t it fun to fun about messing with someone’s contraception.
There’s the old ‘ha, I’m going to poke a hole in your condoms’ gag. The ‘I’m going to reinstate your preventive pills with sugar pills’ jape. The ‘I’ve only pretended to get a vasectomy’ tomfoolery.
It’s all waggish (not really) to fun about… as prolonged as you don’t actually do those things.
Except some people are doing these things – and nonetheless even when they happen, they’re still treated as a lovable joke. Which they’re not.
Ian Somerhalder recently suggested that he took it on himself to take divided his wife, Nikki Reed’s, birth control but her knowledge.
He pronounced this as yet it were a funny, romantic gesture, despite the fact that Nikki was ‘freaking out’ as he popped the pills out of the pack.
‘We motionless that we wanted to have children together, and it was just time,’ pronounced Ian to US Weekly. ‘But unbeknownst to bad Nikki, she didn’t realize that we was going to go in her purse and take out her birth control.’
Now, this may startle you, but we am not best friends with Ian and Nikki, and we have no thought about the insinuate dynamics of their relationship.
I don’t know how Nikki reacted, we don’t know if Ian’s joking around and the pierce wasn’t actually secret, and we don’t know if Nikki had actually discussed wanting to give up her birth control before Ian went forward and threw them out.
But we need to be clear. By pity this story in a jokey way, we’re suggesting that messing around with someone’s birth control but their believe is a ideally fine thing to do. And it’s not.
This kind of poise is completely, definitely unacceptable, and it’s not one to be chatted about easily – just in case someone else decides to duplicate something presented as lovable and charming.
Messing with someone’s birth control is a form of passionate assault.
It’s making a passionate decision on someone else’s interest but their consent, making them or permitting them to have defenceless sex that they didn’t determine to have.
If someone’s under the sense that they’re having protected sex, holding that reserve divided is completely, definitely wrong – either that’s by getting absolved of their pills, deleterious a condom, stealthing, or sanctimonious to have had a vasectomy.
It’s the same the other way round, before anyone starts with that: If a lady says she’s on the tablet when she actually isn’t, that’s impossibly unfair, intentionally putting a partner in a position, should she tumble pregnant, that he never concluded to.
Messing with someone’s contraception but their believe puts them at risk of pregnancy and, in the case of condoms, STIs. When someone believes they’re holding stairs to reduce that risk, but they actually aren’t the person obliged has committed an unimaginable profanation of trust.
But to be clear, even if it’s not finished secretly, such as the case of Ian and Nikki, fiddling with someone’s contraception is still not okay.
The use of contraception is a personal choice – one that concerns holding charge of your own body.
When someone takes the preventive tablet or gets an implant, or uses another form of longterm contraception, they’re making the decision that they do not now wish children. They’re holding tenure of their body. They’re in control.
For someone else to step in and make that decision on their interest is determining and manipulative. It sends a very transparent message: What happens in your physique is up to me, not you.
That’s a disturbing energetic to have in a relationship.
If you’ve motionless as a couple that you’d like a child, but one person is still using contraception, there’s substantially a reason for that. Maybe they’re not certain about having kids. Maybe they’re frightened of coming off contraception. Maybe they’re not utterly prepared to be pregnant.
The answer to that is calm and review – and usurpation that you really can’t have a baby together unless both people determine to it. It’s not holding matters in to your own hands.
You do not get to make reproductive decisions for another person, even if they’re having sex with you, even if you’re in love, even if you’re married.
Their physique is their body, and the contraception they select to use is up to them.
To try to waylay that one bit of control divided from them is a mangled display of power, a stipulation that you consider you know best, even when it comes to your partner’s body.
Think about how awful it is to force someone to have a child before they’re prepared – that doesn’t change just since you’re married, and sanctimonious this kind of poise is cute, romantic, or humorous is damaging.
Messing with someone’s contraception is not funny, or cute, or romantic. It’s totally f***ed up.