It’s Sunday, and that means a suit of you woke up in bed with a foreigner this morning.
It happens and a one night mount can be an exhilarating and ego-boosting activity, even if you finish up having to do a walk of shame.
In 2017, we’re a sex-positive bunch, so there’s no tangible shame here for having a impertinent one-nighter. It does mean, though, that you mostly meet some people who you competence not be unchanging bedfellows with.
Here are all the people you competence confront on your voluptuous travels:
You arise up with a dry mouth in an unknown bed. Your blood seems to be 80% rum and coke, and the last thing you remember was giving a jazz delivery of Wonderwall to your uber driver.
You have two options here. Get the ruin out and leave a accessible thank-you note, or have a giggle with last night’s partner and make some plain jokes about your antics a few hours ago. we consider the latter is a much friendlier way to go, but infrequently you just need to be alone with your terrible morning breath.
Ever depressed into bed with someone you shouldn’t have depressed into bed with? we consider that’s what Buzzcocks sang, right?
It could be your boss, your uncle’s best partner Les, or the delivery person who you’ll now have to see every time you get an ASOS parcel. Sometimes you just wish the banned fruit, and there’s zero wrong with that. That is until you’re holding a 40-minute road to work so you don’t have to walk past that barista you banged.
If this happens to you, just hold your conduct high. Seeing someone’s genitals (and presumably having them in and around your mouth) is a fact of life. Give them a demeanour that says ‘I know we was bloody good’ and walk on by.
They competence be a hardcore leather-clad goth while you’re some-more at home in a cashmere jumper from John Lewis. That doesn’t matter, given you weren’t wearing any garments when you were at your best.
In the ‘real world’ you may never have got on, but put the span of you in a bed – or in a sight toilet, whatever works – and you are on fire. Just don’t put on any music or speak about your hobbies and interests. Stick to shagging, and you are all set.
On the harsher side of one night stands are the ones you hoped competence spin out to be a little more. Since ghosting is now some-more common than any of us would have hoped, there’s a shaken corner to sleeping with someone you actually wish to see again.
The vibe was right, you both motionless to get down to it, then they go AWOL – never to be seen again. A story as old as when Tinder was invented. You can’t change anyone else’s opinion, no matter how tough you may try, so just be protected in the believe that you enjoyed it at the time and no one owes anyone anything.
If you haven’t had sex in a while, you mostly just need to let off some steam. And what better way to do that than with another consenting adult who wants to have good no-strings-attached sex? You’re fundamentally two rutting stags just getting absolved of your restrained frustration, and that’s ideal one-nighter fodder.
In this situation, a high 5 thereafter never goes amiss. Then shake hands, contend ‘good game’ and enjoy that just shagged feeling.
You competence have been friends given you were in nappies, but what’s the genuine mistreat in having sex just once? The best partial of this dalliance is that it won’t be ungainly unless you make it awkward, and you’re way too mature to do that.
Afterwards, you can go back to being friends. But not like Chandler and Monica Friends. More like Rachel and Joey. Just don’t bring up that weird sound they do when they come at cooking parties.